i just sent this text using only my big toe
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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