well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
