I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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