she was so not down for the gang bang
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
