She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
