um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
