So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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