if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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