I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
