oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
