If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
