my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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