who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize