A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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