the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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