Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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