I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
