Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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