im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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