i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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