i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
