Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
