I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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