I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
