On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
