His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
