So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize