Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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