I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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