So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
