His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
