...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
