You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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