If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
