So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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