is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
