I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
