Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
