You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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