8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
