Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the condom got lost in my hair
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
