I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
