she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
