Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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