Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
