Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
