A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous