You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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