I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.