so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.