one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
