I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol