i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.