O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."