What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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