My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
