dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
