Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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