So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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