So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
