Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
