dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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