I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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