I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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