is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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