Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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