You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
