bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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