Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
