I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
